Most people tell me that what they want in life is to find the right person and to be loved. Sounds simple enough right! Well, no, it is not so simple after all.
Time and time again I hear “everyone I date turn out to either use me, hurt me or leave me” or “I just don’t understand, does it say “sucker” on my forehead?” or “I am just a magnet for the wrong people”.
So why is this the experience for so many people? Are there really only bad people out there to choose from? While there is no shortage of people with not so healthy intentions, there are also many who have the best intentions. What is important here is that you look at your own intentions and motivations. No, this is not blaming the victim, a mindset one should abandon anyway. This is an opportunity to look at what you are bringing to the table when looking for, entering and/or maintaining a relationship.
Here are 3 important questions to ask yourself:
- Am I truly clear with myself on what love means to me?
If you don’t have a solid, healthy and realistic definition of love, you will never find it! Even if you did stumble upon it, you would not be able to recognize it without your own definition. It is important to recognize who taught you about love and what it is supposed to be.
- Do I really know what I want and don’t want in a relationship?
While many quickly answer yes to this, upon looking closer they realize that they might know what they DON’T want, but not what they DO want. This comes down to boundaries, not just with others, also with yourself. Often people think they have pretty good boundaries when in reality they don’t or they don’t enforce and maintain them.
- Am I looking through the lenses of my past and my past relationships?
While we are supposed to learn from our mistakes and experiences, it is not fair to have every person we meet pay for the things others have done in the past. I am not saying you should trust blindly until something goes wrong. If you have had unhealthy experiences and/or trauma that impact your judgment and boundaries, it is important to gain insight into that and make sure that you are not just trying to fill a void that should be filled with Self.
In my years of working as a psychotherapist and trauma specialist, I more often than not see how many struggle with love and relationships. So whether you are looking for love, already in a relationship, or even wondering why you have more than one relationship going at the same time, the answers you have to these questions are important. Sometimes it can be difficult to figure this out on your own and this is why we offer our “Is Cupid On Vacation” workshop. This is perfect for you if you want a healthy relationship, learn more about love and yourself, do’s and don’ts when looking for love and how to take control of your own love relationships. You’ll leave the workshop with a sense of clarity, control and direction so you no longer have to rely on just Cupid. Click here to learn more: Is Cupid On Vacation?
To happy and healthy relationships!