When you experience something shameful, embarrassing, or a form of “trauma”, you might decide that you didn’t just experience whatever happened, but it now DEFINES you.
It’s basically creating rules and views of self based on a particular experience. We say to ourselves, “because XYZ happened, I am no longer worthy of love, a healthy relationship, a promotion, good health, or success”, for example.
Here’s what it looks like:
- You first experience a negative situation.
- You then have a thought about that experience that usually sounds like “I am so stupid, I suck, it was my fault, no one will love me now, etc.”
- An emotion follows usually guilt, shame, embarrassment, and hurt.
- You then keep repeating your internal thoughts which in turn keep triggering your negative emotions.
- It is then pretty easy to find “proof” in your daily experiences that support the negative inner-dialogue and feelings.
- Now you have “walls” that contain all of the above thoughts and emotions, and that you are trapped within.
The kicker is sometimes these thoughts and feelings aren’t even yours to begin with!
We pick up beliefs about self from family, society, media, bosses, colleagues, and peers. Often, we dictate how we “should” be or how we “should” respond based on what others say.
Ready to break free from your emotional prison? If so, this is why I do the work I do, to help people get out of the prison of their own making so they can find freedom.